If you know me at all, you know that I love being single. I love my own company, and I truly hate being around losers. Sorry to break the news to you, but the world is filled with losers. I’m sure that I will find love, and I’m sure that it will be great, but I am a very intense person and struggle with the in between. Therefore, being single is truly an awesome alter- native; I have more than enough drama and excitement in my life to need a situation-ship.
But it did get me thinking -- am I crazy for feeling this way? So many people my age are in situation-ship after situation-ship. So I went ahead and asked a bunch of people their opinions -- do they like being single? Even if they are like me and they love being single, loneliness can get me from time to time, and I felt I wanted to know more about what everyone else thought.
A (she/her, straight) explains that, “being single has served me well. It’s taught me a lot about myself and taught me what I do want in a relationship. [...] I’m just ready to not be single anymore.” She goes on to say that it’s great being single because “you really don’t have to answer to anyone and your choices only affect you.” And while loneliness does affect her from time to time, she believes that she is single by choice: “I think a lot of people get in a relationship with the first person willing, and I’m not like that. I have standards and am willing to hold out for them. I choose to stay single un- til I find the person who’s right for me, not just a person willing to be with me.”
A (she/her, bisexual) tells me that “more recently I’ve been feeling lonely. I long for yearning. But I think this only happens when my life feels stagnant. Maybe I’m just under stimulated.” And while dating apps seem like an option, she feels that they’ve “never truly felt fulfilling. It feels like a game, almost. These are not real people I’m seeing and interacting with.”
A (he/him, straight) explains that being single brings nothing but “sadness” and no satisfaction at all.” While a (she/her, straight) says that she “prefer[s] being completely independent at this stage in my life.”
“Partners tend to become, well, partners, and are ‘together’ in most senses of the word. I’m in school, working, and learning how to live my life.” She continues to say that “there are a lot of moments where I’d rather spend time with people I know and love instead of fostering a new, potentially romantic connection.”
Being single is exciting and adventurous; you get to take life by the reins and truly go out and enjoy. However, with the fun, there can also be a darkness that settles over a person: one of loneliness.
I think it is a really hard thing to admit sometimes that you are lonely. It’s shameful and embarrassing, and being an independent person is something that is very admirable and important to accomplish. But with the mix of wanting to be confident and sure of yourself, it can be hard to admit out loud that you want someone with you.
Or on the other hand, sometimes it’s truly best not to have someone at all times. To grow or- ganically and learn who you are and what you are to the world. Women, especially, are encouraged to still “need” men, and it can be a really powerful thing to stand up to that and need nobody but yourself. I think it is very important for everyone to be single, truly single, at least for a moment in their lives. But in a world that still struggles to accept independent women, where does that leave the future of dating?
I believe it’s healthy to feel lonely, but not to spend time waiting for someone to arrive. Life is out there, ready for the taking.
No one is ever going to come and save you, but it’s okay because how thrilling and exciting it is to be the one to save yourself.
